一篇初三水平作文，麻烦老师批改和指点
2024-07-20 12:22:17 学考宝 作者：佚名
问题描述
文章的要求是针对在泰国度假就餐时对几位中国年轻人的不良行为进行描述并发表看法满分是15分，麻烦老师批改再提出建议，谢谢！
I spent the Spring Festival withmy family in Thailand this year.We all enjoy this vacation,but one day,a thingwhich made me unhappy happened by accident.
Once,we are enjoying our eating in arestaurant,all of a sudden,I found some young people next to me,from China,weretalking loudly and smoking.At the same time,all the other people in therestaurant paid their angry eyes to those men.Not only did the bad behaviorinfluence others,but also it lowered themselves’ quality,and the most importantis that made others look down on our country.
As far as I concerned,only if we payattention to our action everywhere,we will win others’ regard,as long as werefuse the bad behavior everytime,we can improve our quality.Only when we have a good habit,so much better can weenjoy our life.
老师答疑
黄老师：
修改如下：
I spent the Spring Festival with my family in Thailand this year.We all enjoyed this vacation, but one day a thing which made me unhappy happened by accident.
Once, we were enjoying our food in a restaurant. All of a sudden, I found some young Chinese people next to me were smoking and talking loudly. All the other people there looked angrily at them. Such behavior was very impolite and bad to our image. What's more, people from other countries may look down on our nation because of this.
As far as I am concerned, only if we pay attention to our behavior everywhere can we win others’ respect. Only when we have a good habit can we enjoy our life.
修改意见：
文章结构还是清晰的，主要问题是时态不一致；在同一段中如果再次提及某人或某物时应使用相应的代词，而不是重复词语；短语搭配不符合习惯；有些句子带有明显中式思维，属于中式英语；很多单词之间没有空格（标点符号后面应空一格）。
